Picking up where I left off on the blog " the holidays", I had cancelled Christmas in 2010. So i went back to work for a drilling company i had previously worked for.My home life becoming intolerable, I had the opportunity to stay out for nine weeks straight so I took it. I needed the peace and the money so it was win, win for me.
Around the end of February I actually started to miss the girls and i had felt bad that i had cancelled Christmas, felt guilty for being a parent that might have been unnecessarily harsh.Yes wrapping up rat poison is quite bad and I still cannot get my head around why she would do that but cancelling Christmas might have been over the top.Feeling bad about it I called up her mom from the field. I told her to take money out of the account for concert tickets that she and her friend wanted to go to,( her mother never got out much either), said to take extra cash so they could ensure a good time.I also told her to go and buy her daughter the i pod touch that she so wanted at the time. Her mother protested and said that "she doesn't deserve it"! Having been at work for sometime and calmed myself, I overruled her with "oh don't be so harsh, kids are kids and they do stupid things" and threw in "each generation gets a little more stupid in choices" Looking back it would seem that it was myself that I was trying to convince. My ex was always the one to justify and or minimise problems and this time she was the opposite without explanation ( probably not wanting to upset me further) and unfortunately I never questioned it.
Spring break having arrived rather early, we shut down and I returned home.I had been thinking about coming out of the stone age and switching from a flip phone to one of those smart touch screen phones. My step daughter now had the i pod touch, which i was told was similar to the i phone so I asked if I could check it out to see if it was something too difficult or annoying to navigate.She readily gives me the i pod but the screen was locked.Amusingly,she applies the code secretly and then hands it back to me. WTF! the screen saver was of the man that lived next door to us! He being 21 to her 14 years of age and he has posed for this photo in my house as I can see by the background, naked from the waist up! I was beside myself with anger and i asked her about it, all I got was a stupid look. Her mother says " I told you to erase that" and to me she adds " I told you she was undeserving of the device"
I was choked (still am) I had wanted to start all over and try to be an understanding father, but all the bail outs from trouble with police, trouble at school, problems with drugs, parenting courses,rumors, allegations, trouble intense and DAILY. And now this man, boy ? man? He being 21 to her 14 years, I had vehemently discouraged the relationship.We had become a household that was no more a democracy but a forced dictatorship for the only reason that I was no longer prepared to watch( a child that I called daughter and all the things days and moments that go into raising a child,) her destroy herself with drugs and really poor choices. So I had basic rules in my house, don't mouth us off, help around the home when asked, apply yourself at school and be good while there, drugs were no good and older guys was just creepy and scandalous, that she should date people her own age. So I took the i pod, properly broke it and threw it into the garbage and told her i was done. Done with trying to understand, done with fighting with her, done being challenged in my home and done having my small community whispering about all the trouble, scandalous behavior from a child that was living under my roof, being raised by me. I was now done fighting for her. The rules of the house were not being obeyed and after years of crap and family counselling, parenting programs, seeking out mental health help for her, begging the school not to kick her out, I thought it time for her to possible go and live with her dad for at least a while. Unfortunately that decision was not one I was allowed to make. It had to come from her real father and mother and her father was for lack of a better word a loser who couldn't give two shits about his child.
By this time I had tried something new, i had nothing to say to my step child so we simply did not speak. The ironic part is this silence between us was prompting her to behave differently, for weeks she acted like any other kid would, helped out around the house, went to school and I even caught her studying a few times, something she never did without a fight. It didn't last long though and a few days before Easter 2010, I get a call from the school. Once again, problems to the extreme! She could not handle regular class and was enrolled in a program at school called "knowledge and employ ability class or K&E" Her teacher informs me that she was cutting class again regularly and when there her attitude was so deplorable and disruptive to the class in general that they had already had a meeting and decided that even just once more that she would be suspended permanently.Her teacher goes on to say that the summer job placement to gain relative work experience was now out of the question because quote "I'm sorry but I'm not going to unleash her on any local business"and harm the programs credibility in the community by "reeking havoc in their businesses" He apologized to me against my protest stating "it has already been decided"
Pissed right off at how we were going to be able to keep an eye on her during the summer, it was looking as if someone would have to give up their job and it certainly wasn't going to be me again. Concerned about what the teacher had been talking about I decided it was necessary to search her room. In the search I found several concerning things. There was several dates marked out on a calendar referring to doing us harm, letters and notes of the same. I find fair amount of drugs such as Tylenol 3"s, and robaxacette, as well as percacettes. Concerning enough but then i also find ammunition to two different caliber guns and we didn't even own a firearm! Finally there was the typical teenage stuff like lighters and smokes, weed. Upon her mother and herself returning home, we get into discussing it. She readily admits to stealing the pills from us and abusing them. she also ad mitts to getting drugs from school as well as the ammunition but denies the threats and weather she has access to a firearm. She goes on to denying that she is having any issues at school and states that her teacher is a liar. Finally she tells me this trip about how we never believe her anyways...so what's the difference?. We tell her that we don't believe her because she simply has lied to us way too many times and let her know that her lies are becoming quite frequent and growing in severity, that these games she plays are rather very manipulative and down right dangerous. She goes into a crying fit, we ask her to tell us what is really going on so that we can get her help. She says she cannot voice it, so i suggest that if she cannot voice it then maybe it was an idea to write it out on paper alone in her room and tell us that way. I assured her that I won't get mad and try to be understanding, that the only way to wipe the slate clean and to earn trust is to be honest and be truthful. I even used my own life as example, how I had to do full confession in front of strangers at my church before being baptized. I wasn't suggesting she had to go as far but rather leading by example. She goes off to her room and I set out to make dinner after a lengthy conversation with her mother about the seriousness of the situation we faced in the summer regarding her. After what seemed to be hours she comes out with this huge letter, I was taken back but had mostly assumed it would be a bunch of rubbish and woe was me kind of page filling, I told her we will read it after a civil dinner.
After dinner she takes off for her room and her mother and i read the letter....wow!. In the interest of not giving myself a stroke I'll just do a few point forms and spare all the fill in words she writes.
-Drug use: cocaine, meth,weed,pills and magic mushrooms!
-Sex with older people, men. Sometimes just outside the back of her mothers work....where i thought she was being properly supervised.
-Had a teacher as a confidant who was bringing her to the school nurse so she could be regularly checked for STD's!,those same people were giving her the morning after pill upon her request!
-This same confidant was also aware of her relationship with an older man and according to my step child she felt " that not only were they aware of it but also encouraged it and likened it to the story of romeo and Juliet."
- We also discovered that she had opened up accounts on "zeus.com" on the school computers. She was posing as a 19 year old single white female, searching for men in the local area between the ages of 28 to 38! Not only is she 14 and native but there to my dismay is her photo and she had responses!
I threw up my dinner and wondered WTF was going on?. How could this be happening in my home? WTF is going on when I'm out of town? Why and how the school was doing what they were doing? wondered how the what I thought to be the moral compass ,beliefs and values of MY home were being directly challenged by not only my step child but also the school as a whole and individually the teachers that we had worked painstakingly for years with to try and help my step child.
The next day she went to school...my ex called in sick and we set out to deal with this. The night before i had demanded her password to the dating site, she not only gave it to us but we changed the password. While we were trying to identify where the picture was taken,she was at school and instead of being in class she was on the computer trying to change the password to that account and kick us out of it. Unfortunate for her we had also had the email for the password change and would just keep changing it back!. We called the school and demanded a meet that day.
Armed with her letter we are now in front of the school principle. After a lengthy discussion and showing him the letter he calls in the school counselor and my step child. The counselor was confronted and denied, tears running down her face she asked my step child "how could you do this to me, do you have any idea how much trouble I'm in?, I befriended you" With a stone cold glare my step kid doesn't recant, the principle admonishes the counselor for crying and she is asked to leave. I make it known that I'm super pissed and yet know the level of manipulation of my step child and after all what we've endured i assure him that i put nothing past her. However , I am very upset by the lack of supervision and I asked "just WTF is going on at the school where kids are alone on computers, drugs and ammunition is going around,kids are getting the morning after pill?" He tells me its legal under Alberta health services for a 14 year old to request examination by the school nurse, morning after pill is legal too and cannot be discussed with parents unless the child decides it is okay" He informs me that he doesn't personally agree but it is law and he must follow it.
The end result was this. The principle told my step kid that she lost all rights to the school computers, that if she ever needed them that she had to have direct supervision. In fact if she logged in under any other students name they too would lose their privileges.The RCMP would be informed of the drugs and ammunition so they could determine where they were coming from. She was offered drug counselling and she readily accepted. She was told that because of so many former complaints of inappropriate behavior, allegations ,etc that FOR THEIR PROTECTION she was no longer allowed to be left alone with any one teacher, regardless if male or female ,two always had to be present with her. And he ended with this, that even so much as a dirty look and it was permanent expulsion from school.Naturally my step kid was pissed right off and she stormed out. I asked the principle just why in the hell a 21 year old was going to her school, being allowed to have sexual contact with our child, why no one was keeping the retard away from 14 year old....I was given an answer I never thought I'd hear. "We cannot watch them always, they are co students and cannot be forced a part and as long as he continued to complete his tasks at school he could remain in school until he was 24! Yup, he said that... I can't even make this shit up!
I couldn't even reconcile the shit being said to me...we got the hell out of there before i acted like a father would act (before the government decided to set the pace on just how we raise our children, regardless of our moral beliefs and values of our household) and we went immediately to child protective services.
once there we were brought into a room and with tears in our eyes asked for intervention, for them to help us help her as we could no longer go it alone. We were put on a teleconference call with another worker over and hour and a half away in another town and reiterated what we told the first worker. We were assured that they would step in but being that in was a Thursday before Easter weekend they would have to make arrangements, that we should go home and wait for a call. We never did receive that call and less then 30 days later as I recall, she falsely accused me of sexual assault at the end of a few days of fighting that she was either leaving my house if she would not go stay with her real father.
This is a fine system we run in this country and I for one believe that our children who aren't even legally counted as an adult, meaning that they are incapable of living on their own, voting or of legal drinking age should not be given the rights to decide that they can damage themselves as they feel fit. To have to deal with sexual issues, abortion and morning after pill, unprotected sex, STD tests no matter what the values of their parents are, religious convictions or the very fact that THEY ARE A CHILD!. There is much more to come, and as always all of this can be verified. For starters just look up the law about it all under Alberta law and even in your own area. Ask questions at school, you'll be real hurt at what you find out. More to come. I may very well make some changes to this once I calm, its very upsetting and has taken me a couple weeks just to get it out.
Around the end of February I actually started to miss the girls and i had felt bad that i had cancelled Christmas, felt guilty for being a parent that might have been unnecessarily harsh.Yes wrapping up rat poison is quite bad and I still cannot get my head around why she would do that but cancelling Christmas might have been over the top.Feeling bad about it I called up her mom from the field. I told her to take money out of the account for concert tickets that she and her friend wanted to go to,( her mother never got out much either), said to take extra cash so they could ensure a good time.I also told her to go and buy her daughter the i pod touch that she so wanted at the time. Her mother protested and said that "she doesn't deserve it"! Having been at work for sometime and calmed myself, I overruled her with "oh don't be so harsh, kids are kids and they do stupid things" and threw in "each generation gets a little more stupid in choices" Looking back it would seem that it was myself that I was trying to convince. My ex was always the one to justify and or minimise problems and this time she was the opposite without explanation ( probably not wanting to upset me further) and unfortunately I never questioned it.
Spring break having arrived rather early, we shut down and I returned home.I had been thinking about coming out of the stone age and switching from a flip phone to one of those smart touch screen phones. My step daughter now had the i pod touch, which i was told was similar to the i phone so I asked if I could check it out to see if it was something too difficult or annoying to navigate.She readily gives me the i pod but the screen was locked.Amusingly,she applies the code secretly and then hands it back to me. WTF! the screen saver was of the man that lived next door to us! He being 21 to her 14 years of age and he has posed for this photo in my house as I can see by the background, naked from the waist up! I was beside myself with anger and i asked her about it, all I got was a stupid look. Her mother says " I told you to erase that" and to me she adds " I told you she was undeserving of the device"
I was choked (still am) I had wanted to start all over and try to be an understanding father, but all the bail outs from trouble with police, trouble at school, problems with drugs, parenting courses,rumors, allegations, trouble intense and DAILY. And now this man, boy ? man? He being 21 to her 14 years, I had vehemently discouraged the relationship.We had become a household that was no more a democracy but a forced dictatorship for the only reason that I was no longer prepared to watch( a child that I called daughter and all the things days and moments that go into raising a child,) her destroy herself with drugs and really poor choices. So I had basic rules in my house, don't mouth us off, help around the home when asked, apply yourself at school and be good while there, drugs were no good and older guys was just creepy and scandalous, that she should date people her own age. So I took the i pod, properly broke it and threw it into the garbage and told her i was done. Done with trying to understand, done with fighting with her, done being challenged in my home and done having my small community whispering about all the trouble, scandalous behavior from a child that was living under my roof, being raised by me. I was now done fighting for her. The rules of the house were not being obeyed and after years of crap and family counselling, parenting programs, seeking out mental health help for her, begging the school not to kick her out, I thought it time for her to possible go and live with her dad for at least a while. Unfortunately that decision was not one I was allowed to make. It had to come from her real father and mother and her father was for lack of a better word a loser who couldn't give two shits about his child.
By this time I had tried something new, i had nothing to say to my step child so we simply did not speak. The ironic part is this silence between us was prompting her to behave differently, for weeks she acted like any other kid would, helped out around the house, went to school and I even caught her studying a few times, something she never did without a fight. It didn't last long though and a few days before Easter 2010, I get a call from the school. Once again, problems to the extreme! She could not handle regular class and was enrolled in a program at school called "knowledge and employ ability class or K&E" Her teacher informs me that she was cutting class again regularly and when there her attitude was so deplorable and disruptive to the class in general that they had already had a meeting and decided that even just once more that she would be suspended permanently.Her teacher goes on to say that the summer job placement to gain relative work experience was now out of the question because quote "I'm sorry but I'm not going to unleash her on any local business"and harm the programs credibility in the community by "reeking havoc in their businesses" He apologized to me against my protest stating "it has already been decided"
Pissed right off at how we were going to be able to keep an eye on her during the summer, it was looking as if someone would have to give up their job and it certainly wasn't going to be me again. Concerned about what the teacher had been talking about I decided it was necessary to search her room. In the search I found several concerning things. There was several dates marked out on a calendar referring to doing us harm, letters and notes of the same. I find fair amount of drugs such as Tylenol 3"s, and robaxacette, as well as percacettes. Concerning enough but then i also find ammunition to two different caliber guns and we didn't even own a firearm! Finally there was the typical teenage stuff like lighters and smokes, weed. Upon her mother and herself returning home, we get into discussing it. She readily admits to stealing the pills from us and abusing them. she also ad mitts to getting drugs from school as well as the ammunition but denies the threats and weather she has access to a firearm. She goes on to denying that she is having any issues at school and states that her teacher is a liar. Finally she tells me this trip about how we never believe her anyways...so what's the difference?. We tell her that we don't believe her because she simply has lied to us way too many times and let her know that her lies are becoming quite frequent and growing in severity, that these games she plays are rather very manipulative and down right dangerous. She goes into a crying fit, we ask her to tell us what is really going on so that we can get her help. She says she cannot voice it, so i suggest that if she cannot voice it then maybe it was an idea to write it out on paper alone in her room and tell us that way. I assured her that I won't get mad and try to be understanding, that the only way to wipe the slate clean and to earn trust is to be honest and be truthful. I even used my own life as example, how I had to do full confession in front of strangers at my church before being baptized. I wasn't suggesting she had to go as far but rather leading by example. She goes off to her room and I set out to make dinner after a lengthy conversation with her mother about the seriousness of the situation we faced in the summer regarding her. After what seemed to be hours she comes out with this huge letter, I was taken back but had mostly assumed it would be a bunch of rubbish and woe was me kind of page filling, I told her we will read it after a civil dinner.
After dinner she takes off for her room and her mother and i read the letter....wow!. In the interest of not giving myself a stroke I'll just do a few point forms and spare all the fill in words she writes.
-Drug use: cocaine, meth,weed,pills and magic mushrooms!
-Sex with older people, men. Sometimes just outside the back of her mothers work....where i thought she was being properly supervised.
-Had a teacher as a confidant who was bringing her to the school nurse so she could be regularly checked for STD's!,those same people were giving her the morning after pill upon her request!
-This same confidant was also aware of her relationship with an older man and according to my step child she felt " that not only were they aware of it but also encouraged it and likened it to the story of romeo and Juliet."
- We also discovered that she had opened up accounts on "zeus.com" on the school computers. She was posing as a 19 year old single white female, searching for men in the local area between the ages of 28 to 38! Not only is she 14 and native but there to my dismay is her photo and she had responses!
I threw up my dinner and wondered WTF was going on?. How could this be happening in my home? WTF is going on when I'm out of town? Why and how the school was doing what they were doing? wondered how the what I thought to be the moral compass ,beliefs and values of MY home were being directly challenged by not only my step child but also the school as a whole and individually the teachers that we had worked painstakingly for years with to try and help my step child.
The next day she went to school...my ex called in sick and we set out to deal with this. The night before i had demanded her password to the dating site, she not only gave it to us but we changed the password. While we were trying to identify where the picture was taken,she was at school and instead of being in class she was on the computer trying to change the password to that account and kick us out of it. Unfortunate for her we had also had the email for the password change and would just keep changing it back!. We called the school and demanded a meet that day.
Armed with her letter we are now in front of the school principle. After a lengthy discussion and showing him the letter he calls in the school counselor and my step child. The counselor was confronted and denied, tears running down her face she asked my step child "how could you do this to me, do you have any idea how much trouble I'm in?, I befriended you" With a stone cold glare my step kid doesn't recant, the principle admonishes the counselor for crying and she is asked to leave. I make it known that I'm super pissed and yet know the level of manipulation of my step child and after all what we've endured i assure him that i put nothing past her. However , I am very upset by the lack of supervision and I asked "just WTF is going on at the school where kids are alone on computers, drugs and ammunition is going around,kids are getting the morning after pill?" He tells me its legal under Alberta health services for a 14 year old to request examination by the school nurse, morning after pill is legal too and cannot be discussed with parents unless the child decides it is okay" He informs me that he doesn't personally agree but it is law and he must follow it.
The end result was this. The principle told my step kid that she lost all rights to the school computers, that if she ever needed them that she had to have direct supervision. In fact if she logged in under any other students name they too would lose their privileges.The RCMP would be informed of the drugs and ammunition so they could determine where they were coming from. She was offered drug counselling and she readily accepted. She was told that because of so many former complaints of inappropriate behavior, allegations ,etc that FOR THEIR PROTECTION she was no longer allowed to be left alone with any one teacher, regardless if male or female ,two always had to be present with her. And he ended with this, that even so much as a dirty look and it was permanent expulsion from school.Naturally my step kid was pissed right off and she stormed out. I asked the principle just why in the hell a 21 year old was going to her school, being allowed to have sexual contact with our child, why no one was keeping the retard away from 14 year old....I was given an answer I never thought I'd hear. "We cannot watch them always, they are co students and cannot be forced a part and as long as he continued to complete his tasks at school he could remain in school until he was 24! Yup, he said that... I can't even make this shit up!
I couldn't even reconcile the shit being said to me...we got the hell out of there before i acted like a father would act (before the government decided to set the pace on just how we raise our children, regardless of our moral beliefs and values of our household) and we went immediately to child protective services.
once there we were brought into a room and with tears in our eyes asked for intervention, for them to help us help her as we could no longer go it alone. We were put on a teleconference call with another worker over and hour and a half away in another town and reiterated what we told the first worker. We were assured that they would step in but being that in was a Thursday before Easter weekend they would have to make arrangements, that we should go home and wait for a call. We never did receive that call and less then 30 days later as I recall, she falsely accused me of sexual assault at the end of a few days of fighting that she was either leaving my house if she would not go stay with her real father.
This is a fine system we run in this country and I for one believe that our children who aren't even legally counted as an adult, meaning that they are incapable of living on their own, voting or of legal drinking age should not be given the rights to decide that they can damage themselves as they feel fit. To have to deal with sexual issues, abortion and morning after pill, unprotected sex, STD tests no matter what the values of their parents are, religious convictions or the very fact that THEY ARE A CHILD!. There is much more to come, and as always all of this can be verified. For starters just look up the law about it all under Alberta law and even in your own area. Ask questions at school, you'll be real hurt at what you find out. More to come. I may very well make some changes to this once I calm, its very upsetting and has taken me a couple weeks just to get it out.
