Monday, 29 February 2016

what's up lately

All though ashamed, I finally snapped under the load I had been carrying for so long.
I made it to a Hospital and I've been here over one month. I lied to many, put on a fake smile when required and no one knew just how indepth my depression had gotten. Not able to take the nightmares anymore, I dropped my wife off to work and just left. January 30th was to be my last day alive. Easy to ridicule unless you did so in my 11 1/2 and walked a while in them.
In the last month I found some peace at night, a smile though still rare in the day.
The god awful meds I was on were changed.
The price I paid, well it still goes on. My wife moved out and one day I'll get out and start all over. I miss my grandkids, miss a lot of everything....
This is going to be an ongoing Blog.
The withdrawals from the meds they have to me for 5 plus years, well to say the least is likened to the Hell from which I crawled out from. The great part is not only do the new meds work but they are non narcotic.Even the nightmares of my " special treatment"are subdued.

So I have kicked the dreaded medication that I was dangerously, legally addicted to. It wasn't easy and there was to say the least a few rough days. Now all of my meds to deal with the P.T.S.D are of non narcotic range. The Doctors have diagnosed me to be 'complex and severe P.T.S.D' . Lovely I thought, it gets worse. I am feeling alot better then I have in years and find myself actually being hopeful. It isn't dealing with the nightmare I called my life at the recluse government's hands. However I am in meditation classes, therapy classes and I am managing well.
They were impressed that I quit the prescription drugs so fast, I must admit that I too am impressed with myself. Turns out that there is a 'pill' out there that combats the nightmares.....absolutely fantastic and it works. Now I only question why that pill wasn't made available to myself years ago instead of doping me up but well that is the past.

More later