Friday, 12 June 2015

Day 2....looking back. (blog 113)

Of course being accused of what I once was, they inevitable call in the mind doctors. Those of whom study the mentality of persons. I have said this before but I'll say it again. The Crown just couldn't accept that I didn't commit the crime, despite all of the rest of the evidence clearing me. Simpler was to believe my step child and build a theory around that, including despite her numerous false claims against others.

When accused of this sort of thing such as rape of a loved one it is clearly devastating and you don't know how you will react until it happens to you and you bare the shoes of the accused. Its a myriad of emotions and thoughts only best described as a tornado out of control, faith in the system, loss of faith in your friends and family, thoughts of suicide, moments of clarity and the need to persevere and fight to clear your name.
Since I had to flee to another city after my acquittal, I haven't been able to meet my regular visits with those that counsel me, talk it out. To travel 5 hours to meet said appointment is just too much. My psychiatrist and the author of many reports written about myself had attempted to find someone of his equal counterpart to help me locally as he did not want yet another to misinterpret and thus cause me much more pain. That was harder then proven to be as many are swamped with their own clientele, local business.
I found myself for a great deal of time secretly plotting to harm myself for no other reason than to end the pain . The thoughts were rather in depth and frightening to my own self so I went to the Hospital stayed a night and spoke to some people.
Luckily I was heard by a psychiatrist that knew of my own and surprisingly it was rather easy to establish a rapport with him  we all know I am going to court for the judge's decision on Monday for the concluding matters that accumulated while I was facing the fight of my life, since cleared yet there are the residual effects of being an accused rapist. He wrote this letter to my attorney today and Naturally as I did in the other doctors letters I will block out his pertinent information as there are enough wing nuts on the internet to just decide to disturb someone. The letter is as follows.
This coupled with the other reports I filed under the Blog called
I have had no major mental health issues than that of the average person but equally prophesied by my other Doctor, the checks and balances of the judicial system could inadvertently cause future problems.Come what may Monday, I will beat the P.T.S.D, I will move on but a part of that has to come from the government as well. I need my liberty back, to go to the gym after work, take off camping on a long weekend, go on a fishing trip with my brother in law, take my wife out for a movie, dinner. I believe it is those things that will heal a guy in time. 4 plus years of jail, 24 hour house arrest, court room after court room, pleading to anyone who will listen, my liberty stolen all this time, not even afforded to go on a vacation....that Taxes the mind to the point that the mind is broke and it can no longer afford to pay and that leads to desperation, depression, anxiety. Frankly between I and those of you that have read this, could you have done any better?