Saturday, 12 December 2015

elevator music.....sir do you mind if we put you on hold? !wait....

So as directed by the courts and probation officer and as a part of my community sentence for "assaults on 11 police officers" while I faced persecution for being a falsely accused rapist.
I went and participated in what was described to me as Qoute" Joe it's just a one time screening and the reason for it is because back a few years ago while you faced charges of sexual assault, you had drank a fifth of vodka and took a bottle of pills " ,"they will probably just write a blurb report to us that you do not need counselling and it was just a situational issue, no need for concern and that will be good enough for us and we will drop the issue.

So I went down there, filled out their mountain of paperwork, sat and waited for the "counsellor" all the while bothered by the fact that they had DSM questions regarding mental stability...suicide, attempts, when ,ect. Dsm for those not in the know is

"Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" and is primarily used by forensic psychologist and psychiatrists, those trained and educated in its application and it shouldn't be put in the hands of someone who is NOT trained to be referring to it such as a drug and alcohol counsellor who I might add has the largest field of "They themselves being recovered addicts"Somehow they have jockeyed themselves into a position of "a therapist" and knowledge based by hands on use and disuse of drugs and what not, ridiculous.

So being that I have P.T.S.D which is actually assign and diagnosed by a QUALIFIED physician, this group decides to prob why I am there and ask questions about suicide based on questions formed from the DSM.

She calls me in, doesn't introduce herself or shake hands. Silently studies my demeanor while constantly making notes.

She says "why haven't you filled out the DSM questions?" I said " Do you know what triggers are"? she says yes". Well I say, these questions trigger me and are extremely personal, besides I don't know who you are and You're definitely not qualified to be dissecting my brain, you aren't even a doctor".

Well she says" are you suicidal, do you have thought and or a plan? I said hell yes I am suicidal and relate my story with her and in fact ask her if in my shoe's wouldn't she be and she agreed.

WELL RIGHT then, so let's move on to either you discussing this with my doctors and or my probation officer, she states that I would have to sign a waiver. LET"S do it I said, "well I don't have any right now", she says.

So I politely ask her to go and get some? She say's she will but continues to probe suicide, I said "look you're not qualified to probe my brain, clearly you know that, else we would be signing the waivers and you know they aren't going to discuss with you.

You are to asses if I am an alcoholic and or drug addict because while at the worst time of my life I attempted suicide by over medicating while having a drink. I haven't done so again, learned to seek help when I need it, have a team of doctors and really don't need you feeling like I am in jeopardy and calling the nut squad on me, furthering my PTSD.

All the while she took calls, very important woman she is and would put me on HOLD so to speak, or if she was doing her annoying fucking writing and not paying attention. In the end she states" I don't know who informed you that this was a one time appointment, there are actually quite a few and personally I find you aggressive and aloof, long winded and not answering my questions, our time is nearly up." Just how am I to take a 5 year ordeal and wrap it up in 10 minutes?

Well I said considering you hold no qualifications to being a doctor , why play doctor? Why don't you call my P.O? she states" I can discuss nothing with him" and in the end we never did sign any waivers, nor did she attempt.

So please stand by while I place you on hold and I hope you enjoy the fucked song.....actually it is good and would be applicable to all the drugs that they have had me on for years, no doubt with upcoming adverse issues, 40 mg of diazepam per day then the sleeping pills of 75 mg's, someone better tie me down.....Ironic that I am having to show that I am not a drug addict while being legally pumped full of them for years, and by the way, I don't drink but after a day like yesterday, wouldn't I be human to consider it....yet intellectually sound enough to realize that it wouldn't help.
If I am supposed to report in to her, them and they are to generate a report, yet cannot do so because they have no authorization to discuss these issues with the powers that be, yet don't even have the forms for me to sign "authorizing" them to discuss it and she can't even phone my Probation officer, refuse to accept his number..........exactly why did I waste several hours of my day?

My thoughts: "So are you suicidal"?.....please hold... well yes I have been for 5 years, they all know it. "do you have a plan...hold please Which one , which time? Do you have a plan today....hold please. From the back to the fore front of my mind comes thoughts of losing EVERYTHING, hey bud she is triggering you, since you're so well versed in triggers yet unqualified to be probing, I really didn't TODAY until you mentioned it and made me momentarily reminisce and relive horror. "oh and what is your plan"? Look lady, I know when I need to seek help, I know to add illicit drugs or alcohol to my otherwise convoluted, long winded, tale of woe would do me no good to add a depressant on an otherwise depressed situation.
Still, what are your credentials? I'm an engineer, want to see my credentials ?
"so we are done here for today" and she escorts me to the pass code elevator and still no signing of waivers and yeah, that's how that went.
Ironic I have an engineering degree, no job and no office in a nice warm building built like fort knoxs....yet she has shit on the wall and can't give me a straight answer. It all comes down to justifying a system and if we played it back in rewind it would probably make more sense, hell even throw in the chipmunk voices on speed rewind, probably understand something

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