I used to think that a song was just a song, immature was to reflect upon a song in the different stages of your life but I figure I am completely wrong. There are those that can write poetry, music and while it may have one meaning for them that produce it, it can also have a different meaning for another.
We hear it everyday, seriously just try to remember not hearing a song at least multiple times per day. It could be the radio on the way to work, a jingle or a song for every t.v show , movie we watch, hell we don't even buy anything without the perfect song to go with the advertisement of some product.
If we go to church, we sing. Prepare for the holiday's, there is plenty of music for that
It is of little doubt the power of music in just too many ways to imagine.
"Many people do, however, share a general idea of music. The Webster's definition of music is a typical example: "the science or art of ordering tones or sounds in succession, in combination, and in temporal relationships to produce a composition having unity and continuity" (Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, on line edition)."
Throughout my ordeal many songs came and went, some stuck around and where I am no singer I would even find myself pacing endlessly in my cell singing songs even from childhood, church. Songs that represented hope, struggle, reassurance , strengthening.
Years of prison will do weird things to a man, especially what I was accused of. There is a huge variety of emotions that one isn't even aware of. nor the complexity of them should you be able to identify them.
When I was in jail, I would literally pace back and forth for days!, yup days, I would make it so that I would literally pass out on my feet just to get some moments of peace. Plus I didn't trust certain guards and if the two of them were on cross shift for several day, fuck sleeping.
I had one song and it went like this:https://youtu.be/tgIqecROs5M I used to bare knuckle my wall to that fast beat, concentrate on the beat. Slow at first and I'd miss a strike but soon I could do the song straight, same tempo, full hits and my breaks were to sit on the bunk...keep your elbows up, you can slow down but continue for another 20 ish minutes. Immature, I think not. I was able to transport to a different place.
A few other songs got me but this one was very good as it put to music the words I wanted to say, the feelings I had but lacked the talent:https://youtu.be/Mut_jxG1Uhc In this link you can see the words, Its not a stretch to what I'm getting at. It wasn't always doom and gloom, hell I liked this one:https://youtu.be/R5MWCnKeH2s and it would help.But I would definitely sing this late at night when the acoustics were best, my favorite childhood artist next to Micheal....Phil Collins his song:
I Don't Care Anymore Lyrics
Well you can tell ev'ryone I'm a down disgrace
Drag my name all over the place.
I don't care anymore.
You can tell ev'rybody 'bout the state I'm in
You won't catch me crying 'cos I just can't win.
I don't care anymore I don't care anymore
I don't care what you say
I don't play the same games you play.
'Cos I've been talking to the people that you call your friends
And it seems to me there's a means to and end.
They don't care anymore.
And as for me I can sit here and bide my time
I got nothing to lose if I speak my mind.
I don't care anymore I don't care no more
I don't care what you say
We never played by the same rules anyway.
I won't be there anymore
Get out of my way
Let me by
I got better things to do with my time
I don't care anymore I don't care anymore
I don't care anymore I don't care anymore
Well, I don't care now what you say
'Cos ev'ry day I'm feeling fine with myself
And I don't care now what you say
Hey I'll do alright by myself
'Cos I know.
'Cos I remember all the times I tried so hard
And you laughed in my face 'cos you held all the cards.
I don't care anymore.
And I really ain't bothered what you think of me
'Cos all I want of you is just a let me be.
I don't care anymore D'you hear? I don't care no more
I don't care what you say
I never did believe you much anyway.
I won't be there no more
So get out of my way.
Let me by
I got better things to do with my time
I don't care anymore
D'you hear? I don't care anymore
I don't care no more
You listening? I don't care no more
No more!
You know I don't care no more!
Songwriters: PHIL COLLINS
For me at the time this was gold, all the disappointments, the shitty lawyers, the lies and innuendos in courts, the shots to the head while cuffed by the tough guards, spitting in my food, throwing it on the floor, the names, other inmates "shit bombing me" ( shit bombing for the less experienced goes like this. they let out a trouble maker guy, he fills coke bottles that are plastic with shit and butter, sometime the guards give them a garbage bag and they fill it up real good, push it under your door and pop it) you're covered in shit and they let you stay that way a few days.
So to get away and survive, well that was the goal. I did the equivalent of years in 24 hour lock down. living like that. I only write about it now because I told myself I would back burner it until it was over. It still seeped, irked me....well would surprise the fuck out of me and then some in endless dreams.
The next time someone tells you to shut up your singing, you just sing right on man, I'm with yeah and we are free.
I don't want to close this on a depressing note. It just might be possible for me to go back to the gym and train again, recuperate myself, my thoughts and feelings and reunite myself along with the specialists, supporters I've met along the way. I most certainly do need this as like a bottle neck I have bottled up some poisonous things. I have medical coverage to pay for med's now and recently I painted a room in my home that I call my area. I have lived in this home for over a year and only felt like a guest, its a nice brown colour...I call it home brown. I feel good and secure in here, tight, warm. I even put up a Christmas tree, angel and all. I saved for that tree a couple years. One of my rescued cats is going to have kittens right around Christmas, she was a tortured animal that I took in, still a little skittish but me she trusts.....shit you know I don't want to tell you this stuff, really I want to scream from the highest points what they all did, roll back the video if I could and strike them down with lightening bolts from my arse....but I'm trying to be normal, besides that I'm sure I got at least you to smile.
Sleepless
Sleepless
No comments:
Post a Comment