Happy Birthday to me. (blog 46)

So today i am 42! ( super excited about that one, let me tell ya!) This is really not where i thought that I would be in life at 42. Since receiving a full acquittal on October 9, 2013 not much has changed. I figured to day would be the right time to explain to people reading this just how it has been. Basically i have moved on from one hell and either moved on to another phase of that hell or simply started a new one.
As a falsely accused man having been exonerated, I've set out to pick up the pieces of what is left of my life. While your going through the courts and in and out of jail to the good humor of a crooked crown attorney and court system, such things as ones student loan,taxes among other things go unnoticed and not dealt with. So now having my liberty restored i now have to look at some of these issues as well as look at the level of debt incurred as a result of the whole thing. wow! talk about an uphill battle. First thing I inquire about is my legal aid bill, get told that the bill was 7'333.00!. Sorry but I just gotta say what fucking bullshit! It would appear that I must have had top notch legal help wouldn't it?. Consider this for a moment, no lawyer that I ever spoke to would privately handle my case for less then $20,000.00 retainer if I hired them for personal defense and that was after all i had left was the trial. Yet somehow, government attorney's were able to defend me for nearly three years on $7'333.00! I see!, said the blind man! I will skip the details of their long boring comments but for one. Their closing question was "and when can you start making payments"? HA HA HA I openly laugh, are you fucking kidding me?. I received less than full legal representation for nearly three years, lose absolutely everything I own and you want me to pay for it now even after I have even started to recover. I hear "well what is your current source of income?" I say that I'm now reduced to 800.00 per month for suffering from PT SD stemming out from being falsely accused and systematically destroyed by the very government sworn to protect myself. I then hear "well , can you give us say a payment of one hundred a month?" what does a person say to that? I just hung up and wish with every fiber of my being that we still had the phones that you could slam down as a form of protest and possibly inflict a ringing in some dumb , life blood sucking creatures ears. Now I know why smart phones came out, the government and their mental midgets got tired of having phones slammed in their ears.
I tackle the next hurdle, my student loan. In and out of jail and as part of the checks and balances of the same crooked legal system of Alberta Canada, my student loan went into default because of none payment. I explain what happened to me and the situation I had faced at no fault of my own and I assure them that i am a responsible man and do realize that i have a debt owing to which I had agreed to repay.My only request is that they forgive any and all interest and default penalties I had incurred as a result of being falsely accused and imprisoned,that i be allowed to resume my payments from the day I was arrested. Simple enough for me to conceive, how about you? After all, it was the government who maliciously prosecuted me. Why should I have to pay thousands more because of their stupidity?. Nope! the blood suckers say "it is impossible to forgive the interest and penalties, we just don't do that" she goes on to say "would you like to resume your payments you were once paying of four hundred a month?"I simply hang up, discouraged and further beaten because where as I didn't explain to you the reader, i had explained to yet this government worker my situation and current income ,from who and why.........but can I pay 400 out of the 800 I get to the federal government for a loan that if they hadn't maliciously prosecuted me, I would have paid off by now and instead not only do I have the loan still but with additional interest and penalties.She closes with this comment " but sir, it is not our fault and I'm sorry that happened to you, we are not that branch of government and you really need to clear up this loan because its affecting your credit" Right about then I was really missing that old green dial phone, I sure could have used another protesting slam.
Next on the government merry go round, Taxes!
Yup, haven't done my taxes yet since 2010. Once again, I set out to get re established as a Canadian in "good standing"? What ever the fuck that means anymore. I ask about where do I obtain my T4 slips so that i may do my taxes from 2010, to which I am very excited because that year alone I had purposefully paid extra in taxes as an additional form of savings and even without that i was set to get back several thousand and that money will get me my own place to live!. Augh, ya and no! You see this was explained to me. "well tortured, that is quite the ordeal you went through but there is a hold on your taxes because of an out standing student loan".......are you fucking kidding me? Fine! I say as long as I make forward progress, can you email me a copy of my T4"s. "okay, sure we can do that for you, now if you could just tell us your current address that is registered with us so that we can verify that it is you...and oh, looks like you had a lot of addresses while on house arrest." In short I couldn't remember the address, there simply was too many over 30 months and some were only for a week. She is like "oh gosh darn it without that address we cannot verify who you are sir and we cannot release that information to you. Okay I say, where is the government office that deals with this so I can go show my valid government identification ( or drivers license) and get the forms. "Ohhh geese "she says, " boy this is going to piss you off but the federal government has closed all federal revenue offices suddenly over night across Canada as of midnight October 1st 2013 and you now make any and all inquiries on line." encouraged that i no longer have to deal with Mrs stuck on stupid i enquirer where i find that site?. She then comes back and says that "it will not help you because you don't know the address the government registered for you.
Listen lady, given my certain situation don't you think you can make an exception? "well no sir, the computer won't allow us" However ,you can write us a letter and in it give us your name, date of birth and social insurance number and your new address and in about 6 to 8 weeks we will be happy to update your address for you and send you your T4's so you can do your taxes"Are you fucking kidding me I say and I cut off her protest to my frustrations by adding. You cannot verify who I am as a citizen over the phone because your computer won't let you, I cannot go show my government identification to any real person in revenue Canada because you shut down all the offices to save money, but you will accept a letter from me and through that you will verify who I am without physically laying eyes on me and or see any identification and then update my info in about 6 to 8 weeks?" SERIOUSLY!
Before I hang up all to passively again (fuck I need an old rotor phone) I thank her for her time and close with a question. Since the government it trying to save money maybe they should teach the computers how to solve real day to day problems instead of being only able to verify people like myself through letter format, and finally add that they need to cut weight by getting rid of useless persons such as herself.
Imagine that, a computer that will verify who you are by reading your letter that states who you are without any i.d at all.....and little miss stuck on stupid to verify that in fact that is all the computer can and will do. In the end Happy Birthday TORTURED! 42 and you live with your girlfriends kids!....sky is the limit buddy! as long as you up 100.00 a month to legal aid, 400.00 a month to student finance, so 500.00 out of your eight hundred from the government, to the government is gone each month and all because of a refusing computer who won't talk to anyone but prefers to only read letters and respond in 6 to 8 weeks.
thanks for reading
TORTURED.

MY SIDE OF THINGS.(blog 45)

Picking up where I left off on the blog " the holidays", I had cancelled  Christmas in 2010. So i went back to work for a drilling company i had previously worked for.My home life becoming intolerable, I had the opportunity to stay out for nine weeks straight so I took it. I needed the peace and the money so it was win, win for me.
Around the end of February I actually started to miss the girls and i had felt bad that i had cancelled Christmas, felt guilty for being a parent that might have been unnecessarily harsh.Yes wrapping up rat poison is quite bad and I still cannot get my head around why she would do that but cancelling Christmas  might have been over the top.Feeling bad about it I called up her mom from the field. I told her to take money out of the account for concert tickets that she and her friend wanted to go to,( her mother never got out much either), said to take extra cash so they could ensure a good time.I also told her to go and buy her daughter the i pod touch that she so wanted at the time. Her mother protested and said that "she doesn't deserve it"! Having been at work for sometime and calmed myself, I overruled her with "oh don't be so harsh, kids are kids and they do stupid things" and threw in "each generation gets a little more stupid in choices" Looking back it would seem that it was myself that I was trying to convince. My ex was always the one to justify and or minimise problems and this time she was the opposite without explanation ( probably not wanting to upset me further) and unfortunately I never questioned it.

Spring break having arrived rather early, we shut down and I returned home.I had been thinking about coming out of the stone age and switching from a flip phone to one of those smart touch screen phones. My step daughter now had the i pod touch, which i was told was similar to the i phone so I asked if I could check it out to see if it was something too difficult or annoying to navigate.She readily gives me the i pod but the screen was locked.Amusingly,she applies the code secretly and then hands it back to me. WTF! the screen saver was of the man that lived next door to us! He being 21 to her 14 years of age and he has posed for this photo in my house as I can see by the background, naked from the waist up! I was beside myself with anger and i asked her about it, all I got was a stupid look. Her mother says " I told you to erase that" and to me she adds " I told you she was undeserving of the device"
I was choked (still am) I had wanted to start all over and try to be an understanding father, but all the bail outs from trouble with police, trouble at school, problems with drugs, parenting courses,rumors, allegations, trouble intense and DAILY. And now this man, boy ? man? He being 21 to her 14 years, I had vehemently discouraged the relationship.We had become a household that was no more a democracy but a forced dictatorship for the only reason that I was no longer prepared to watch( a child that I called daughter and all the things days and moments that go into raising a child,) her destroy herself with drugs and really poor choices. So I had basic rules in my house, don't mouth us off, help around the home when asked, apply yourself at school and be good while there, drugs were no good and older guys was just creepy and scandalous, that she should date people her own age.  So I took the i pod, properly broke it and threw it into the garbage and told her i was done. Done with trying to understand, done with fighting with her, done being challenged in my home and done having my small community whispering about all the trouble, scandalous behavior from a child that was living under my roof, being raised by me. I was now done fighting for her. The rules of the house were not being obeyed and after years of crap and family counselling, parenting programs, seeking out mental health help for her, begging the school not to kick her out, I thought it time for her to possible go and live with her dad for at least a while. Unfortunately that decision was not one I was allowed to make. It had to come from her real father and mother and her father was for lack of a better word a loser who couldn't give two shits about his child.
By this time I had tried something new, i had nothing to say to my step child so we simply did not speak. The ironic part is this silence between us was prompting her to behave differently, for weeks she acted like any other kid would, helped out around the house, went to school and I even caught her studying a few times, something she never did without a fight. It didn't last long though and a few days before Easter 2010, I get a call from the school. Once again, problems to the extreme! She could not handle regular class and was enrolled in a program at school called "knowledge and employ ability class or K&E" Her teacher informs me that she was cutting class again regularly and when there her attitude was so deplorable and disruptive to the class in general that they had already had a meeting and decided that even just once more that she would be suspended permanently.Her teacher goes on to say that the summer job placement to gain relative work experience was now out of the question because quote "I'm sorry but I'm not going to unleash her on any local business"and harm the programs credibility in the community by "reeking havoc in their businesses" He apologized to me against my protest stating "it has already been decided"
Pissed right off at how we were going to be able to keep an eye on her during the summer, it was looking as if someone would have to give up their job and it certainly wasn't going to be me again. Concerned about what the teacher had been talking about I decided it was necessary to search her room. In the search I found several concerning things. There was several dates marked out on a calendar referring to doing us harm, letters and notes of the same. I find fair amount of drugs such as Tylenol 3"s, and robaxacette, as well as percacettes. Concerning enough but then i also find ammunition to two different caliber guns and we didn't even own a firearm! Finally there was the typical teenage stuff like lighters and smokes, weed. Upon her mother and herself returning home, we get into discussing it. She readily admits to stealing the pills from us and abusing them. she also ad mitts to getting drugs from school as well as the ammunition but denies the threats and weather she has access to a firearm. She goes on to denying that she is having any issues at school and states that her teacher is a liar. Finally she tells me this trip about how we never believe her anyways...so what's the difference?. We tell her that we don't believe her because she simply has lied to us way too many times and let her know that her lies are becoming quite frequent and growing in severity, that these games she plays are rather very manipulative and down right dangerous. She goes into a crying fit, we ask her to tell us what is really going on so that we can get her help. She says she cannot voice it, so i suggest that if she cannot voice it then maybe it was an idea to write it out on paper alone in her room and tell us that way. I assured her that I won't get mad and try to be understanding, that the only way to wipe the slate clean and to earn trust is to be honest and be truthful. I even used my own life as example, how I had to do full confession in front of strangers at my church before being baptized. I wasn't suggesting she had to go as far but rather leading by example. She goes off to her room and I set out to make dinner after a lengthy conversation with her mother about the seriousness of the situation we faced in the summer regarding her. After what seemed to be hours she comes out with this huge letter, I was taken back but had mostly assumed it would be a bunch of rubbish and woe was me kind of page filling, I told her we will read it after a civil dinner.
After dinner she takes off for her room and her mother and i read the letter....wow!. In the interest of not giving myself a stroke I'll just do a few point forms and spare all the fill in words she writes.
-Drug use: cocaine, meth,weed,pills and magic mushrooms!
-Sex with older people, men. Sometimes just outside the back of her mothers work....where i thought she was being properly supervised.
-Had a teacher as a confidant who was bringing her to the school nurse so she could be regularly checked for STD's!,those same people were giving her the morning after pill upon her request!
-This same confidant was also aware of her relationship with an older man and according to my step child she felt " that not only were they aware of it but also encouraged it and likened it to the story of romeo and Juliet."
- We also discovered that she had opened up accounts on "zeus.com" on the school computers. She was posing as a 19 year old single white female, searching for men in the local area between the ages of 28 to 38! Not only is she 14 and native but there to my dismay is her photo and she had responses!
I threw up my dinner and wondered WTF was going on?. How could this be happening in my home? WTF is going on when I'm out of town? Why and how the school was doing what they were doing? wondered how the what I thought to be the moral compass ,beliefs and values of MY home were being directly challenged by not only my step child but also the school as a whole and individually the teachers that we had worked painstakingly for years with to try and help my step child.
The next day she went to school...my ex called in sick and we set out to deal with this. The night before i had demanded her password to the dating site, she not only gave it to us but we changed the password. While we were trying to identify where the picture was taken,she was at school and instead of being in class she was on the computer trying to change the password to that account and kick us out of it. Unfortunate for her we had also had the email for the password change and would just keep changing it back!. We called the school and demanded a meet that day.
Armed with her letter we are now in front of the school principle. After a lengthy discussion and showing him the letter he calls in the school counselor and my step child. The counselor was confronted and denied, tears running down her face she asked my step child "how could you do this to me, do you have any idea how much trouble I'm in?, I befriended you" With a stone cold glare my step kid doesn't recant, the principle admonishes the counselor for crying and she is asked to leave. I make it known that I'm super pissed and yet know the level of manipulation of my step child and after all what we've endured i assure him that i put nothing past her. However , I am very upset by the lack of supervision and I asked "just WTF is going on at the school where kids are alone on computers, drugs and ammunition is going around,kids are getting the morning after pill?" He tells me its legal under Alberta health services for a 14 year old to request examination by the school nurse, morning after pill is legal too and cannot be discussed with parents unless the child decides it is okay" He informs me that he doesn't personally agree but it is law and he must follow it.
The end result was this. The principle told my step kid that she lost all rights to the school computers, that if she ever needed them that she had to have direct supervision. In fact if she logged in under any other students name they too would lose their privileges.The RCMP would be informed of the drugs and ammunition so they could determine where they were coming from. She was offered drug counselling and she readily accepted. She was told that because of so many former complaints of inappropriate behavior, allegations ,etc that FOR THEIR PROTECTION she was no longer allowed to be left alone with any one teacher, regardless if male or female ,two always had to be present with her. And he ended with this, that even so much as a dirty look and it was permanent expulsion from school.Naturally my step kid was pissed right off and she stormed out. I asked the principle just why in the hell a 21 year old was going to her school, being allowed to have sexual contact with our child, why no one was keeping the retard away from 14 year old....I was given an answer I never thought I'd hear. "We cannot watch them always, they are co students and cannot be forced a part and as long as he continued to complete his tasks at school he could remain in school until he was 24! Yup, he said that... I can't even make this shit up!
I couldn't even reconcile the shit being said to me...we got the hell out of there before i acted like a father would act (before the government decided to set the pace on just how we raise our children, regardless of our moral beliefs and values of our household) and we went immediately to child protective services.
once there we were brought into a room and with tears in our eyes asked for intervention, for them to help us help her as we could no longer go it alone. We were put on a teleconference call with another worker over and hour and a half away in another town and reiterated what we told the first worker. We were assured that they would step in but being that in was a Thursday before Easter weekend they would have to make arrangements, that we should go home and wait for a call. We never did receive that call and less then 30 days later as I recall, she falsely accused me of sexual assault at the end of a few days of fighting that she was either leaving my house if she would not go stay with her real father. 
This is a fine system we run in this country and I for one believe that our children who aren't even legally counted as an adult, meaning that they are incapable of living on their own, voting or of legal drinking age should not be given the rights to decide that they can damage themselves as they feel fit. To have to deal with sexual issues, abortion and morning after pill, unprotected sex, STD tests no matter what the values of their parents are, religious convictions or the very fact that THEY ARE A CHILD!. There is much more to come, and as always all of this can be verified. For starters just look up the law about it all under Alberta law and even in your own area. Ask questions at school, you'll be real hurt at what you find out. More to come. I may very well make some changes to this once I calm, its very upsetting and has taken me a couple weeks just to get it out.

TORTURED.

JUST IMAGINE FOR A MOMENT.(blog 44)

This is not something that I would normally ask anyone to do but in order to get my point across I think it warrants the request. Imagine for a moment that the police came and took all that you owned, took you out of your home and threw you in jail. Imagine sitting in cells for five days unable to contact a lawyer, being charged with heinous crimes most men could barely mention, let alone be accused of. Imagine sitting there all alone and wondering where your lawful protection was and imagine if it was those very ones that were supposed to protect you, furthering it.

Imagine for a moment the hopelessness your brother, father,uncle, your son , high school male friend or any other positive male role model would go through. Imagine the years of extreme mental and yes even physical torture while incarcerated all because of what he was falsely accused of. Imagine things like DNA that proved he didn't do it, they just ignored. Imagine him not being allowed to work in order to hire a lawyer that would adequately represent him. Imagine his shame of the charge so that he couldn't contact his friends for help. Imagine for a moment he was ripped out of his community, placed in another so that he couldn't even tell anyone about what was going on even if he wanted to. Imagine if he lost everything he owned, everything that took many years to achieve. Imagine that even upon an acquittal, his pain still continues.
 Imagine his career swept away from him.Imagine he will never be right again, though the dozens of children that ever was in his presence , that my friends not stop to ask ," did uncle Joe ever do anything to you....... resounding "no"! Imagine you male figure  striving to be complete,be gentle, be a person... now reduced to life.A life of an accusation, a life UN complete...never able to give love. I love my adoptive grandsons wholeheartedly, I spend hours a day while I try to figure this out, MY boys! and they love me too......stupid grandpa can't change a diaper..... doesn't want to ever be seen as a weirdo.... imagine for a moment my pain! I would never have thought this could happen in Canada but it has and all too frequent. I have never seen a more irresponsible government then the one I face now.
Imagine facing prospected jury members and for the like the fifth time he had to endure the reading of the charges, enter in a plea one by one and yet there are those from that jury pool that know the dirty details of the accusation given, yet not the outcome as the judge dismissed them and in secrete along with the crown forced an acquittal. Imagine the police getting caught in lies years later, yet no one does anything. Imagine that they destroyed all the evidence before the trial because it cleared him. Imagine that the powers that be claim they don't know what happened to the evidence, that the evidence such as clothing,crime scene photos , DNA can just disappear and no one asks about it, including the judge.
Imagine having this all happen to your brother, son, father, uncle or friend....imagine you read this and you did nothing.
I've supplied with transparency they event surrounding my false accusations on may, 21, 2011. pre trial, trial transcripts, original statements, weather reports, DNA reports, police statements, sworn testimony.  I was one out of 11 other serious allegations against others in five years, some of them are even discussed in court under oath, and now every single one has been proven to be a lair or she confessed to them.
We seem to fight for fashionable, popular problems around the world but for the most part care non the less of the issues that continue on in our own yards.Imagine being utterly destroyed and the person that does it confesses to doing it while under oath in a court room, yet there is no recourse for her. Imagine that there is gender bias in our courts, thoughts and ways in life and you don't see it until it happens to a male that in some particular way is important to you.

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”

TORTURED

IN RESPONSE. (blog 43)

Currently I am working on a response, after nearly three years and not being allowed to defend myself, listening to all the people talk about me in court. this will be done as quickly as possible but will take a while as I'm renewing safety tickets, and trying to get my life back on track.

Exposing your government. (blog 42)

Weird how you look at this and think it's a cartoon caption, fictional and worth only a moments glimpse.Yet in our world today more Truth comes out in what is deemed to be fairy tails and cartoons. Anyways, spot on! Apparently ,it can be deemed illegal to expose the illegal actions of your government. What is forced on us is their version of truth, their excuses for their actions are always explained off with a few words of shit!

TORTURED

Red lights and the unseen stop signs.( blog 41)

These are actual draft notes to my attorney addressing the sanity of this all after Pre trial was concluded, myself pointing out what I thought were the STOP SIGNS and RED LIGHTS that this never happened. WHY I have included these is because it is but a glimpse into what about one hour of my life was like that had enveloped me entirely for years, daily and by the hour and minute. A glimpse into trying to communicate, convey my thoughts at the what I thought were obvious signs of "hey man, what's really going on here" and the fact that I thought although I was speaking English and thinking level headed, these facts somehow escaped everyone view.....the futility of it all and the silent contemplation of whether we needed to invent a whole new language in order to communicate.

TORTURED

Thoughts after Pre trial concluded. (blog 40)

These are actual draft notes to my attorney after the conclusion of Pre trial once again stating the obvious and having it fall on deaf ears. This was about after three days of sleep, complete mental exhaustion. Yet, in those next ten months till trial things got way worse.

TORTURED

Quality of life. (blog 38 of 149)

These are actual draft notes for a letter to my attorney addressing my" quality of life" and explain my actions on why i had attempted suicide. Frustrated yet again at the lack of attention to the meaning of "innocent until proven guilty", my day to day life, the trashing of my existence.I believe the notes convey volumes....but apparently not to justice or an attorney that take regular holidays,relax with friends, enjoy piece of mind and a sense of individuality and freedom, where i was in a state of breaking down.

TORTURED

My fears,My pain. (blog 37 of 149)

After attempting suicide and being told that "you cannot leave, your not out of danger yet, in fact you expired three times last night" I was harsh to the nurses and doctors that were only trying to help me. I tried to go it alone and went through Christmas not rebounding so I sought out some mental health in the form of a 30 day assessment. The doctors would ask "why did you try to kill yourself"? I would try to explain but they just couldn't get it and would give me bullshit stories that "you control your life, you can change this, you can believe in the beauty of life" "take these medications,do this, walk, run, workout or read""change your life, live more healthy, eat right"
You know all that information was of no relevance to my situation. I told them i am " situational depressed, its out of my control, i cannot change what is going on and that a fucking tuna fish sandwich instead of a hamburger will not change the fact that I was in a state of being criminally victimized by the same government that is sworn to protect my rights.
Looking back I see they had a point to good healthy choices when one is undergoing extreme duress such as exercise, proper diet.But they just couldn't understand that there were times when I wasn't allowed to exercise for months, I was not in control of even my preferential diet. They would throw back," why not"? and "yes you are". They just couldn't get the uniqueness of the situation and just tried to throw a bunch of text book shit at me, move me out to free up bed space. With all their education they couldn't grasp the meaning of the words "I am in peril, and to no fault of my own" and how they applied to my unique situation. So i was asked to write My fears and what my pain was down and then they could address what is wrong with me.....yeah I know, total bullshit but this is what I wrote to them and only now can I say that I still had over ten months until my acquittal.Once again understand I was medicated, excuse the penmanship and grammar and just understand the load I was under, daily having to contemplate my future and the possibility of being wrongfully convicted in a corrupt system.My notes to the doctor.

TORTURED

Letter of personal note while in the Hospital. (blog 36)

If it were possible, i decided to get a little more personal. I was going through my paperwork and found this letter i wrote to my girlfriend one night while in the hospital for attempting suicide just before Christmas, shortly after the ending of my Pre trial. Succumbing to the distress of it all and the unbelievable reality that they actually thought and determined that there was sufficient evidence to proceed to trial!
I decided to photograph it and publish it as it is more personal. It was myself as a real person, conflicted as a man, feeling inadequate to my spouse because of the accusations i faced, my shame that i had let her down and tried to take the easy way out, ashamed at my selfishness that i never thought about her  and the toll it was taking on her throughout. Embarrassed that i had temporarily had given up.At the time i was in a medicated state, unable to eat, forgive the letter for its penmanship and grammar as i was clearly in a state of distress. Before you read, I'll end with this. I hope this personal note conveys just how many levels of hell a man falsely accused goes through.

TORTURED

Tired of the negativity, thought i'd make a little change, think about something else.( blog 35)

My girlfriend gave me this thing, a little pamphlet. I thought it simple but thought provoking and certainly a little lighter then the crap I've had to write out since this Blog began.
                                         ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTION

God won't ask what kind of car you drove, but will ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.
God won't ask what your job title was ,but will ask if you reformed your job to the best of your ability.
God won't ask what you did to help yourself, but will ask what you did to help others.
God won't ask the square footage of your house, but will ask how many people you welcomed into your home.
God won't ask how many friends you had, but will ask how many people to whom you were a true friend.
God won't ask about the fancy clothes you had in your closet, but will ask how many of those clothes helped the needy.
God won't ask what you did to protect your rights ,but will ask what you did to protect the rights of others.
God won't ask about your social statues, but will ask what kind of class you displayed.
God won't ask in what neighbourhood you lived, but will ask how you treated your neighbours.
God won't ask how many material possessions you had, but will ask if they dictated your life.
God won't ask about the colour of your skin, but will ask about the content of your character.
God won't ask what your highest salary was, but will ask if you compromised your character to obtain that salary.
God won't ask how many times your deeds matched your words, but will ask how many times they didn't.
God won't ask how much overtime you worked, but will ask if you worked overtime for your family and loved ones.
God won't ask how many promotions you received, but will ask how you promoted others.

Thought provoking isn't it? in the end it comes down to how we treated others.


TORTURED.

Something for you to think about. ( blog 34)

So what I have learnt so far is this. If I would have decided to plead guilty at anytime throughout this ordeal, say in an attempt not to be completely ruined. We somehow miraculously could have gotten my attorney, the judge and crown into the court room inside of a week and the matter would have been dealt with. But because I exercise my rights under the constitution and fight because my moral compass says too, I then have to wait nearly three years to be vindicated.
hmmm, VINDICATED,  meaning NOT GUILTY, ACQUITTED!
LET"S explore the words vindicated and the emotions surrounding that. Upon being vindicated, there was no pats on the back, well wishes, hey man i knew you didn't do it, can i buy you lunch, you need a hug, fuck what that must have been like for you......I was told that I'm free to go.
SHOULD I have plead guilty or even been found guilty, SHOULD I have told my moral compass to fuck right off and just got it over with ,this is what I would have got.
Three hots and a cot, free up grade in education, free gym pass, medical and dental. Once the bullshit sentence would have been completed they would have put me up in free housing ( I wouldn't even have to go look, they would do all the work) and they would make sure that I had food, free gym pass, free shrink, free clothes.
BUT because I chose to believe in the system, my moral compass and who I am as a person I get penalized!. There is no free rent, food, no gym pass and no free education. the best I get is an insulting 800.00 per month, insulting because I can do nothing with that, even if I go to a shelter then they claim my basic needs are met and they will take the 800.00!

Let's plat role reversal for a moment if you will.... say I was a female, say with a child and I was falsely accused by a man. There would be a line up a mile long if not more of people willing to shelter me, give me all those free benefits, hell victim services would be beating down my door, my social worker would have me in government supported housing, if I needed upgrading or what not to get me back into the work force it would be there, FREE!!!!! Yet there isn't any gender roles or bias in our country right?

As men we are cattle, increasingly of non existence, mere sperm donors, slaves. And yet every year we listen to how "our brave men who fought and served and indeed some, a great some have died for our country" I'm quite confused at the system we currently operate.
And finally it has been brought to my attention that if i continue to discuss my special treatment I received at the hands of the government that I " may very well regret it or be shut up". Listen bud!, not only is my moral compass strong but so is my will, if you feel that I'm a threat then do as you must, finish what you started. I too believe in a police force, its needed but i don't like crooked cops and jail guards and those in power shouldn't either. And just so we are CRYSTAL clear, if I ever saw a police officer in danger or distress, same with a jail guard you can bet your ass I would be there to not only help but to protect without thought of myself even in the most dangerous of situations the best I can, could. Why? because you are a human being, loved by someone.
That being said, this is my thing, I am allowed to verbalize my pain, suffering and exercise my voice.
 and those are the same rights that you enjoy and use.
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My accusers original statement. (blog 33)

I ask you this, what person that just had something so traumatic happen to them would interview alone with a strange male, and yet be so chatty. yet no one picks up that she claims "we didn't take a cab" and that "it didn't rain that day" read careful as you then go into Pre trial transcripts.

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Psychological reports. ( blog 32)

These are my reports from my shrink. After being accused of this crime I had a nervous break down of sorts, the crown tried to say that I was mentally ill.
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When he talks about " He appears quite realistic and sincere  when acknowledging wholeheartedly hid past transgressions as well as his ability to refrain from the same for many years".... He is talking about the past I had for fighting that was nearly 20 years old. My mind and myself had changed. Never have I been accused of a heinous crime such as I was. A troubled teen, willing to beat the crap out of another vagrant as I was was entirely another matter. Like I said though, people change.

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DNA Report. (blog 31)

This is the DNA report for my fingernails, note in her on stand testimony that the police were there right away. also there is another DNA report from her breast swabs that they have not allowed me to have, that to cleared me three months into this and yet they continued.This is why my attorney says in his letter " once again your DNA has not been found in this matter" Also note that they have placed my DNA on the national data bank which they are not supposed to.My attorney read out the results of the other DNA test in the court of queens bench in Edmonton, that is exactly why i got bail, 5"000.00 no cash.
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My accusers mothers originals statement.(blog 30)

Note that she says i was fully clothed, and that her daughter didn't want "them doing DNA"what mother would buy me all new things when i got out , including cash, favourite snacks and bedding, clothes and pay my first and last months rent at my approved house arrest place? And she sent her daughter away one month after this alleged incident , wrote a letter on my behalf stating that her daughter was and is a lire, this letter was sealed into evidence at the court of queens bench Edmonton.
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Medical File . (blog 29)

This is a copy of my medical file that proves that I couldn't physically done what I was accused of. Police even make special note of my back condition and I was in a full back harness, they took it off before arresting me!.The last two page report was based on his 3 day work with me.Note that I couldn't lift more than 20 pounds, sit ,stand or lie down for any length of time. Of note , you'll see that this report was written after my visit to his office the very day I was falsely accused of rape. May 21,2011.
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